Jules Nolan

Another Christmas season is here and I can’t help but feel that I should be somewhere else. What is it about the holidays that set me to fantasizing about an island? This year my hubby tried to talk his sister into moving the family Christmas to an island. Her reply was a sharp-tongued “I hate islands”

“Come again?” I replied. “You hate islands? Really. And how do you feel about peninsulas? Might you detest a sound? Abhor a Strait? Loathe a bight? Well that’s it! It’ll have to be an isthmus – an isthmus for Christmas!”
.
She was not amused – but mostly because I don’t know what an isthmus actually is, and she didn’t think that I should be using words of which I don’t know the meaning. I assured her that would eliminate most of my vocabulary and that so long as it’s funny, I don’t really have to understand a word I say, thank you very kindly.

All of this got me thinking about islands in general and Australia in particular, because it is both an island and continent. So maybe she wouldn’t be able to hate Australia. And, if she did, Australia could hate her right back, but everyone would be so polite about it she would never even notice.

You see, Australians are seriously polite people. I spent a month traveling around with my family, and in all of my conversations with Aussies, I was never able to get anyone to assert that they hated anything. Really. Not even Americans.

My perception was that Australians were a loud and boastful people who couldn’t wait to voice their opinion about any topic. In fact, I was a little afraid that I would spend much of the month defending Americans and discussing our country’s foreign policy. I envisioned café conversations where I would have to explain that, not being a close personal friend of our president, I don’t have much in the way of influence over him, other than to cast my vote every 4 years, which they seem to ignore anyway.

But I found the Aussies to be quite the opposite of that crass, rough stereo-type. They were witty and refined. In fact, I never heard a naughty word – not even in a bar! Granted their naughty words are different from ours, but I even found that to be rather charming. Bugger? Bloody? Please. I’ll take those any day over most pop music lyrics in the US. Don’t get me wrong, they were not particularly demure, but they gave their opinions in an amiable, if somewhat confusing way.

“Yanks? Quite lovely aren’t they?”
“Yes, rather a bright bunch really ”
“Indeed! Friendly, charming.”
“They’ll be the end of us all then – won’t they?”

What? This was BRILLIANT! They took you off-guard with the complimentary dialogue, got you nodding along in pleasant agreement, and then WHAM! That last line – what they really thought – and you smiling, nodding like a complete dolt. I loved it!


Then I got to thinking. What if they were just doing this for me? What if this was some careful way they had of handling Americans – or any foreigners for that matter. So, I began to listen more closely. I overheard lunch conversations at nearby tables.

“Well wasn’t that a gorgeous steak?”
“Yes, just brilliant”
“Really very well done and nicely trimmed”
“Yes enjoyably prepared wasn’t it?”
“Bit rancid really.”

I eavesdropped on dinner conversations.

“Did you notice the waitress?
“Yes just lovely wasn’t she?”
“Indeed! So thoughtful and attentive...”
“Quite brilliant, a spot-on charmer...”
“Dressed a bit of a tramp”

And I listened in on friendly neighborhood chats.

“The new neighborhood is quite charming isn’t it?”
“Too right – it’s a beaut.”
“Splendidly close to the harbor.”
“Yes, quite convenient.”
“Bit chockers with thugs and rapists really”

And WHAM! Just like that. I fell in love. I fell in love with Australians and their country, their charming phrases and koalas and platypus’. I fell in love with this island continent and I was determined that miss “I hate islands” sister-in-law would love it as well.

Truly though, I’m being too hard on her. She is a very bright woman…well accomplished… speaks 3 languages…lives quite an exciting life in Switzerland.

Bit of a loon really.