Jules Nolan

Today I went to my leadership class. This is a program designed by the Mankato Chamber of Commerce to discuss important community issues and identify future community leaders. I, however was chosen to attend based solely on my talent for choosing the right bar for happy hour immediately after the class.

At today’s session we were treated to a discussion by a panel of city officials informing us about local government finances. It was obvious that this panel of 3 men were experts because the had titles like “Executive VP of City Administration” and “Wendell”. In addition, 2 of them were snazzy dressers, and the third kept looking wise and thoughtful. “Wendell” pressed the index fingers of his folded hands against his pursed lips, nodded slightly, and gazed heavenward for nearly 3 hours.

The panel handed out well-stapled packets of information showing impressive pie, chart, and bar graphs. Some of the pie charts were divided in to as many as 15 pieces. It was then that I knew I was dealing with professionals.

The students of the Leadership Class indicated their deep interest in the subject by asking informed and well-reasoned questions of each other like “Where are we having lunch?”

I did learn some very impressive statistics and ratios however, like 41.04 % and 5/8ths. Also, I was very surprised to learn that $143.00 per city resident is the appropriate amount of money to have in the city’s reserve fund. More than that and the tax payers will think you are not spending their tax dollars appropriately. Less than that and the city falls into the danger of losing it’s bond rating.

As far as I can tell, this is similar to what happens to you, the average person, when you put on your best shirt and go into the bank to ask for a loan to help cover personal expenses. If the bank official guffaws at you shooting small, moist pieces his breakfast muffin all over your new shirt, you have lost your bond rating.

But here is what I don’t understand. I know from personal experience that even when you have stopped paying your Capitol One Visa Platinum No Hassle Card bill for 6 months (because, frankly, those were not well-reasoned purchases and it would do best if everyone could just forget about that whole unfortunate retail episode) they continue to send you pre-approved applications for a new Capitol One Visa Platinum No Hassle Card.

So why does Wendell have to spend so many pensive facial gestures, and pie graphs trying to figure out the budget? Why doesn’t he just forget about it until he has bond rating trouble and then apply for a Capitol One Visa Platinum No Hassle Card?

I bet he could even go into a bank and ask for a loan. They’d give it to him too. He’s a former member of the Mankato Leadership Class, wise, thoughtful, and a snazzy dresser.